Writing a memoir: finding the story inside your life

Many people say they could write a book about their life. The challenge is not having enough to say. It is choosing what to leave out. A memoir works when it focuses on a particular part of a life, and says something that readers can connect with.

Memoir is not autobiography

An autobiography covers a life from beginning to end. A memoir takes a slice of that life, such as a period, a relationship, a place, an illness, a decision or a turning point, and explores it in depth. The slice should have a shape: a beginning, a change and an ending.

Start with the question

Ask yourself what this book is really about, beneath the events. It might be how you survived something, how you changed your mind, or what you learned about love. Your answer is the thread, and every chapter should connect to it.

Choose your scope

Draw the edges of the story. Where does it start? Where does it end? What belongs inside and what does not? Interesting events that do not serve the thread can be set aside, and some can be kept for another book.

Tell it in scenes

Readers connect with moments, not summaries. Instead of telling them "my father was strict", show one evening at the dinner table. Use concrete detail: what was said, what the room looked like, how it felt. Between scenes, step back and reflect on what it meant.

Use two voices

A good memoir moves between the person you were then and the person you are now. The younger self lives the events. The older self understands them. The reader needs both: the experience and the reflection on it.

Be honest, including with yourself

Readers can tell when a narrator is protecting themselves. The most moving memoirs are those that admit failures, doubts and mixed feelings. You do not have to tell everything, but what you tell should be true.

Think about other people

Real people appear in your story, and they may not remember things as you do or want to be in a book. Think about how you will handle this. You might change names, merge or alter identifying details, talk to people beforehand, or leave things out. If your book makes serious claims about real, identifiable people, take advice from a legal professional before you publish.

Find your structure

Memoirs do not have to run chronologically. You might organise by theme, by place, or around a framing event. Choose what serves the thread, and make sure the reader never feels lost.

A simple planning exercise

Write down the five or six moments that changed things for you in the period your book covers. Put them in order. Beside each, write a sentence on what you understood then and what you understand now. That list is often the skeleton of the book: the scenes you must write, and the reflection that connects them.

Looking after yourself

Writing about hard experiences can stir up difficult feelings. Write in short sessions, stop when you need to, and talk to someone you trust. You do not have to include everything, and you can always decide later what to share.

If the writing is not your strength, or you would like a partner, see how ghostwriting works. When you have a draft, prepare your manuscript before it goes to an editor.

Keep going

A first draft of a memoir is a discovery. You find what it is about by writing it. Allow yourself to write badly, and then revise with your reader in mind.

Our book writing service includes manuscript development and ghostwriting for memoirs, so that your story is written in your voice, with you in charge.